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I was trying to come up with a clever intellectual title for this page but then thought bollocks, if people wanted clever intellectual stuff they'd be reading Bret Easton Ellis (I don't fucking think...)
Anyway, this is me speaking to you, direct (well, sort of).
Want to ask me something? Click here.
Hello again, folks. Well, it's that time of year again when strange malformed creatures knock on the door begging and, shortly afterwards, in the same week, we all prepare for huge explosions, injuries and raging fires but, enough about local elections and the Irag war, eh?...
I'm still bashing away at the new novel which is shaping up (I think..) I'm late delivering but it will still be out in hardback next summer and I hope to God you all like it.
I've just got back from a night in London (yes it was work before you ask..) so, having got about four hours sleep, I can't think straight enough to write anything fictional so I thought o.k., I'll answer this months (sorry, last months) questions.
Am I the only one by the way who has trouble sleeping in hotel beds? I don't mean that I can't figure out how to get into them or anything like that I just can never seem to sleep when I'm in a hotel (not when I'm on my own anyway) no matter how nice the surroundings or how comfortable the bed. Anyway, I'm rambling...Ignore me, I'll go away...
On to the questions...
Chris Jermyn and under-age sex...
No, Chris, it didn't feel strange writing the sex scene with two fourteen year olds in COMPULSION. I know what you mean about the paedophilia aspects but to be honest, it never even occured to me... Certainly not until you just mentioned it. My wife's got a fourteen year old niece and I suppose when I think about it that way it sort of brings it home a bit but then again, 12 year olds are having fucking kids these days aren't they and it's all part of life and, if it's part of life, it's fair game to be written about in my humble opinion...
Gemma Cox from Leeds and discovering my books...
Glad you've finally "found me", Gemma and even more pleased that you like the books. You read SLUGS when you were 12 eh, ...thanks for depressing me...Nice to hear that your own writing has been influenced by mine though. On the subject of the cat killing scene in COMPULSION I must say that even my editor on that was shitting himself about putting it in, worried it would get imitated. I read something very similar about a month before I wrote that scene. And, no, I never did anything like that when I was a kid...(well, I shot a few birds with an air rifle but who hasn't?...No, I'm the only one then, right...)
Frank Miller in VICTIMS an alcoholic moron...thanks alot Gemma, he was based on me...(just kidding...well, I'm not actually but there you go...) Anyway, keep on reading and feel free to send in any other thoughts you might have about my other books as you read them
To SIR VIKTOR BUB THE 2ND and excerpts from my books...
Feel free to use whatever you like from my books and good luck with your music...By the way, a couple of free CD's would do very nicely thankyou...Just send to my publishers and they'll forward them to me...Hope everything goes well in the new recording studios
Joanne Grey wanted to know my favourite Maiden album
Well, Jo, I'd have to say...er...THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST probably or maybe FEAR OF THE DARK or DANCE OF DEATH. Sod it, I'll go with DANCE OF DEATH because I don't think there's weak track on it (there isn't on the other two either but it's really impossible to choose just one...) I happen to think that DANCE includes three of the finest songs Maiden have ever recorded though, those three being MONTSEGUR, PASCHENDALE and JOURNEYMAN. I know I'll now get loads of people telling me I'm a twat for picking that album but it's all personal taste isn't it?
Darrell Joyce and Guy N. Smith
Darrell, I am not one of Guy N. Smith's main detractors as far as I know and also he most certainly didn't influence me when I started writing. I think the mix up came about because he, at one time, threatened to sue me for saying something about him in an interview and I have said frequently that, if I hadn't read one of his books, I'd never have started writing...Can we leave it there before someone gets upset...?
Stuart Lane and the changes in books
Stuart, I've never really stopped writing horror in as much as I see HELL TO PAY and NECESSARY EVIL as very much horror books, just a different kind of horror. Like the horror in EXIT WOUNDS. It's just as horrific to have mass violence as it is to have slugs crawling up your arse...I reckon...
The mentions of Willesden came about because I just chose to set certain scenes in certain books there. Simple as that.
Glad you agree with me about Cineworld in MK. I honestly believe it's on a par with some of the best of the American multiplexes and beats the shit out of some of the cinemas in London (in fact, make that most of the cinemas in the West End...)
Many thanks again to all those who wrote just to say how much they enjoyed the books. Like Ken from Wallasey, Ritienne from Malta (yes I know where it is...) Tom Newman and everyone else. Thanks
Scott and plans to re-release THE SKULL
No, Scott, there aren't any plans to re-release THE SKULL. Macmillan did a limited edition of it a few years back but no more plans as far as I know.
Also Scott, stop taking the piss...Yes I've read all the bloody Harry Potter books (it happens when you've got a young daughter...) and I've also seen all the bloody Harry Potter films...Don't ask me for an opinion...How can you argue with 480 million quid in the bank? Just one minor point and, again, am I the only one...Wouldn't it be nice to see J.K. Rowling smile occasionally? Frankly, if I had a tenth of what she's got in the bank I'd be leaping around 24 hours a day grinning like a fucking maniac...but then, that's just me...or is it
13/12/2004
I'm back again and, as usual, I'm apologising. Fuck knows why, it's become a hobby I suppose.
I know I'm late answering your questions and, in fact, most probably haven't been answered at all but I'm making a plea for mercy here (oh, fuck, give me a break I hear from you all...)
I've really been so snowed under with work these past few months that, apart from being about two hours away from a bloody physical breakdown (cue violins...), I just haven't had the time to do anything other than work. Scary eh?...
Fortunately, with you lot being not just the most loyal and wonderful fans but also the most understanding, I know you'll forgive me...(did I manage to get my head far enough your collective arses then...?)
Anyone who hasn't had a reply don't get worried/pissed off/angry (delete where applicable) about it, it really is that I just haven't had the time. Mainly because I'm trying to make sure that you lot have got a fucking book to read next year
TWISTED SOULS is finished, well, the first draft is anyway but I'm sure there'll be more to do on it (thanks Brie...) and I've also got more to do on another pseudonym book (which I can't disclose the title of, sorry)
On the subject of pseudonyms and this is actually answering some questions in a roundabout way, the reason I can't disclose the titles and subjects is because when they're being sold to bookshops (usually by different publishers) it's best to hide the fact that I've written stuff so completely different from what I do as Shaun Hutson because it confuses book-buyers...
Here's a quick sample conversation between your average book buyer and a rep;
REP; Hello, how many copies of this book would you like?
BUYER; Who are you?
REP; The person you've been buying books from for the last two years.
BUYER; The regular buyer's on holiday/at lunch/ill/having a cup of tea/can't be arsed to come out and take the order
REP; Look, how many copies of this new Shaun Hutson book do you want, it's a romance about two sperm whales who fall in love while being hunted by Japanese ships.
BUYER; Oh, Shaun Hutson, he writes horror doesn't he? Right, I'll have two copies and put them in with the horror, right next to that Hi-tech thriller he did under another pseudonym last year. That sold about as well as MEIN KAMPF at a Jewish car boot sale.
REP; Thanks for allowing me those thirty seconds to sell that book to you.
BUYER; Fuck off, my coffee's getting cold and I need to order another four hundred weight of the new John Grisham novel. It's not selling but we need plenty on the shelves because head office tell us what to buy and I'm not allowed to think for myself. Have you seen our lovely display of celebrity memoirs and novels. We can't give the fucking things away but publishers love pissing enormous amounts of money away on complete shite so we've had a directive from head office telling us to only stock books by people who've been on TV or had fifteen page spreads in HELLO magazine.
I'm writing this while listening to THE RASMUS (yes I know it's an old single but I like it...). I've been listening to DISTURBED alot lately while writing TWISTED SOULS and I'm off to see KASABIAN at Brixton Academy on Wednesday the 15th.
Just thought you'd like to know
Anyway, as I haven't got time for long answers I'm just going to say many thanks to everyone who wrote into the site so, thanks to Ken in Wallasey, Ritienne Saliba from Malta, Scott, Karen Hehn, Denice from Weston Super Mare, Sara, Emma Palmer, Susan Garley.
I'm just going to stop there for a minute as it's just struck me yet again, how many women take the time to read my books and write to me (thank God)...
Seems to disprove that myth that horror is only read by men...Another thing about critics that fucks me off (apart from their existence of course...).Thanks, ladies, I love you all (or would given the chance, the stamina and the permisssion of my missis...)
Anyway, back to the thankyous
Thanks to Woody W, to the other Woody (pointed sticks, eh...ooooohhhhh...) and by the way, what the fuck is wrong with the end of RELICS you bastard? How bloody long did you want it to go on for? You know what I'm like Woody, never use two words when one will do. That one, in this case, is bollocks... Just kidding mate... COMPULSION made you think of Hell's Grannies, it's those vicious gangs of Keep Left Signs you should be careful of my son
Hello to Jane, Janet, Kate (Jesus, more women...I was right...)
Tony D...Yes I saw SAW...er..didn't like it
Must just tell you, even if you couldn't give a shit or not... I actually walked out of my first film ever last week.
CHURCHILL,-THE HOLLYWOOD YEARS this steaming pile of dogshit is without doubt the most obscenely bad, vile, unfunny, insulting... words fail me. I have sat all the way through shite like MR NANNY, TOOTH and CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS but that was the fucking limit. Five other people walked out too. I lasted forty minutes...Avoid it like the plague, complain, burn down your local cinema if its showing...I can't articulate my hatred of such a feeble waste of my time and of money that could have been better spent filming one of my books... (oops, sorry about that...) Fuck it, you know what I mean
Hello to Debbie, Cheryle, Debbie in Bexley Heath (where are all these women coming from...)
Phil Campbell, you were one unlucky sod to be at that
Bristol City game when the lights went out. That seems so long ago now, Phil. What were we talking about? How to escape without being killed by some homicidal bristol fan...Horrible fucking day eh, mate? Souness in charge. Fowler cracked a bone in his foot and Boersma told him to run it off then got beat in the replay...Ah, well, that was then wasn't it...Give me last Wednesday when Gerrards winner flew in to take us into the knockout stages of the Champions League instead.
For any gloating bluenoses, that's CHAMPIONS LEAGUE... and yes, I was at the derby last Saturday. Enjoy it while you can, the season ends in May, not December you know..
.
Just one more thing, for the intellectual Evertonians who made the banner hanging on their main stand that read RAPHAEL BENEATH US...Our manager's name is spelt Rafael...The other guy was a fucking painter...
See you at Anfield in March when some semblance of normality should have been restored, Moyes is getting ready to leave to manage the Manes and you lot are staring enviously upwards at the Reds...As we sang on Saturday;
"Once a blue, always a Mane..."
Sorry, got a bit carried away there, apologies to the Everton fan I had a chat with in a cafe in London the other week
Thanks to big Malky, I may well use that name and I may well take you up on your offer for a look at the nasty side of Glasgow. I'm doing something about gangs in Dublin so it's nice to get around a bit
Hello to Paul, Wayne, Tony, Caroline, Ian Hemming, Heather, Billie, Sue and Tony D. again... bloody film star eh?... Lisa (more women you'll notice...)
Is this turning into a rant... Now James Joyce wrote entire fucking novels in this way and they called them classics. Stream of consciousness I believe it's called. I just thought it'd make a change at this Festive time of year to write something a bit different and show you all how much I can ramble on about complete shit at the drop of a fiver (not that you needed telling...)
The thing is, this is the closest I get to actually talking to any of you other than if I meet you at some kind of signing so I thought, fuck it, I'll write this as if they're all in the office with me. Yes, I really do speak as inanely as I write...
It's nearly eleven o'clock in the morning, I've just put THE SICKNESS by DISTURBED on the old CD player so the rest of this will be even more rambling than what's gone before...
Everyone ready for Xmas?...
I can't fucking wait this year. Two weeks off. Apart from travelling to matches I don't intend moving out of the bloody house until at least January 4th when I go back to work.
Xmas day, we never even unlock the front door. We never get people just "popping round"...well, if they do we don't answer the fucking door...I love Xmas
Hello Jane Molyneux, a big hello to Dan, Dan the Blackburn fan...have a good Xmas period Dan and don't bother with GOZU, Takashi's gone on too long in his new one, apart from the last
Fifteen minutes in which he returns to his usual form.
Thanks also to Nathan Vaughan, F. Moon, Lisa, Kaye, Danny G. (I plan my work for about a month beforehand, Danny, then it usually goes tits up about three weeks into the writing...)
Mark, I've got to answer these fucking questions you asked as you didn't expect any of them to be answered...
The gun in the holster visible in END OF STORY is a replica .44 magnum, accurate in every respect (same weight, specs, etc.) to the real thing.
The worst review I've ever had...er..who cares? No, really, I don't know. I did threaten to put a critics head through a window once but I don't think that was anything to do with one of my books. I also physically tipped one out of a chair onto the floor at a convention many moons ago...The thing is, everyone is so fucking genteel (horrible word...) in the literary business the insults usually only go as far as "your last book wasn't very good." Or "I don't like him/her". That's about as confrontational as it gets as a rule, so it's a bit of a shock to people when I turn round and say things like "I'm going to kill that cunt," "I'll chin that little bastard if I ever meet him," "Fucking dyke bitch," or "If I ever see you again you're fucking dead." Only joking, my agent's just had a stroke...
I have always had the problems of being 1. working class 2. having an opinion 3. Expressing it...
I can't do bullshit, sorry...
I have absolutely no desire to direct a film.
Why do I think my fans are so dedicated to my books...
Because they're fucking great that's why, Mark. I reckon it's because they realize I'm no different to them. No bullshit. No frills. Straight to the heart of the matter. Fuck the rest. You take us on at your peril. We are the fucking Wild Bunch...
So, your missis reckons I've gone soft does she...sort her out will you
Stuart Morton and End of Story
Stuart, I really am sorry you didn't get through to the last three. I can't say too much but I will say that there was, in my humble opinion, at least one story that possibly shouldn't have been in the last three. Maybe yours should have been but I think something went wrong somewhere but, like I said, I'd better shut the fuck up if I want to work with certain people again
Listen, when I do my next public appearance I'll spill as many of the beans as anyone wants on the whole programme and behind the scenes (my agent's just had another stroke and a heart attack simultaneously...)
I just hope everyone enjoyed the series. I loved it. It was great to be part of it and I will be forever grateful to the BBC for that
Bryan Hamilton, I thank you for what you said about RENEGADES... To have someone who lived through "The troubles" tell me how well I captured that time is a wonderful compliment. I thank you. And yes, I did do considerable research in Northern and Southern Ireland for RENEGADES and the other books with Doyle in
Finally, hello to Ian in Canada, to Dan Searles and to Paul and Beate.
Thankyou all
Right, I'm going to have a coffee, have a kick about in the back garden then go and see BLADE; TRINITY
All of you have a fantastic Xmas and a wonderful New Year and, for all your support, your comments, your honesty, your good wishes and just for buying the fucking books, I owe you.
As all the best people say;
LET'S GO
SEE YOU IN 2005!
Hello folks, me again.
I'm writing this on the day of my sixteenth wedding anniversary, the day before my birthday (so I'm depressed about the fucking birthday and have sworn not to open any cards etc...)
Quite a few things happening I'd like to tell you about and some I'm not allowed to... (cryptic eh,..)
END OF STORY is at an end and some press have started to write about it. My own programme goes out on October 31st so, the five or six of you who can get BBC 3 keep your eyes peeled. A friend of mine can get it so I'm getting him to tape it for me.
I was going to write something about an article that was sent to me regarding the programme but, after long and heated conversations with my agent (God bless her...), here's the shortened version;
"...So (two pages of me ranting and planning violence)... The end."
That's about it really, all that I can print
AT THE MOMENT...
Watch this space though because blood will be spilled both in print and, I promise, in real life
I've had a bit of a hectic weekend filming (yes, filming as in feature film... oops, excuse me, my ego just expanded too far... right, there we are, back to normal again...)
Filming for a small part in a film called THE FORSAKEN FOREST. It stars Tom Savini among others (although he'd finished his bits by the time I got there) and it's directed by Johannes Roberts who I think I mentioned last time, has directed several other films like SANITARIUM (better, Jo?...), and HELLBREEDER.
Two nights of shooting from 6 in the evening until 7.30 the next morning...I got home on the Sunday at about four in the afternoon (thanks to the stupid cunt who was driving the bus from Euston to Milton Keynes... no trains of course, God forbid...), fell asleep then, still half asleep on the Monday, went off to Manchester to The Swamp (or Old Trafford as it's known in the media...) on Monday night to see Liverpool play the shit, Steven Gerrard break his toe and watch the manes scrape only their second win in six attempts at their place against us. Honestly, they are shit beyond belief and if we'd played with any kind of conviction we'd have stuffed them as we usually do at their place..but anyway...it's a long season.
I had to stay overnight in Manchester which made things worse...
Anyway, back to the filming...
It pissed down all night on the Friday when, for most of the time I was inside a car trying desperately to remember my lines.
The Saturday night was freezing cold when yours truly was killed by four naked, demonic sirens (Christ, my heart went out to those girls, crawling around starkers in sub-zero temperatures...). I just want to thank the crew, the other actors and particularly Jo (the director) and Nathan who did a quite unbelievable job with special effects including making a life size cast of my head which was horribly realistic (I hadn't realized what an ugly bastard I was until I saw it...)
Thanks also to John (the director of photography and fellow Peckinpah fan) and, indeed, to everyone I was lucky enough to work with. You'll all be in the acknowledgements of the next book...(sorry about that, got a bit luvvie for a minute...)
Anyway, I had a great time and hopefully you'll all be able to see the finished results when the film comes out next year
The abridged version of the END OF STORY winning entry goes out on Radio 4 at 3.30 p.m. on November 5th and, as I said earlier, my own programme will have aired the week before on Halloween
Right, I'm going to get on with answering your questions and if I'm more sparing with the answers than usual that's because I've got to finish the huge amounts of work piling up by the end of October. Forgive me
To Rebecca White, Jackie White, Jean, Danny (the gooner), Jay Annoot, Allie E, JR, Andy, Jeff Pearce, Kevin Smith and Kelly who all wrote to say how much they liked the books a huge thankyou
Stuart Morton and nearly making the final of END OF STORY
Stuart, I wish you had made it but getting to the last six was a hell of an achievement. Also, one or two of the judges (oops sorry, better not...)
Keep writing and good luck. Maybe we'll bump into each other at an Iron Maiden gig sometime in the future
Adam Wright and some detective books
No Adam, I never did a series of detective books for Robert Hale. I did the war novels for Robert Hale under my own name which were then re-published in paperback as Wolf Kruger
Barry Morse and Sean Doyle
Glad the ex did one thing for you then Barry, i.e. introducing you to my books and I'm glad you've stayed with them.
Sorry you don't like Doyle..."arrogant, bad tempered..." (shit, sounds familiar..) but he is one of my most successful and popular creations but each to his own, eh?
I didn't realize I'd killed so many people off with a bullet just below the left eye... I'11 watch that in future...
As for SLUGS;THE MOVIE, er... well... yeah... I actually started watching it again myself the other night and found it bearable if rather painful, still, it'll always be remembered, if not for the right reasons...Maybe one day soon there'll be an adaptation of one of my books that everyone likes.
Yes, I share your admiration for ALIEN. Still a masterpiece, still not dated. Like you, I never tire of watching it.
Now, what would I have done if I'd been aboard the Nostromo...Well, in this order
1. Shit myself
2. Cried
3. Nicked the shuttle and let the others get killed
Just the kind of guy I am
Jane Morrow and biscuits
Jane, try Tunnocks caramel wafers... fucking excellent..
My favourite comedy programmes ever would have to be FAWLTY TOWERS, BLACKADDER 2, SOUTH PARK, MONTY PYTHON and SPIN CITY. I also liked the FAST SHOW.
Favourite stand-ups... no contest. The magnificent and sadly missed Bill Hicks. The man was a genius.
I also like Sam Kinnison and Denis Leary, Believe it or not, Bernard Manning and Chubby Brown also make me laugh. I am not, as you may have guessed, a fan of the politically correct brigade so those two suit me fine...
Yes, the crunch creams are the ones that look like ginger nuts with a creamy centre... perfect for sticking to your husband's head
Lacy Warfel and artwork
Send any artwork to Peter Cotton, head of the art department at Warner Books and he'll have a look at it for you. Let me know how you get on
Debbie Hales and memories of Norton school
Debs, of course I remember you. Everyone else will have to excuse me while I reminisce with someone I used to go to school with...
So, I drew dinosaurs all the time did I... Jesus, how sad was I...
I remember Mr Cox's English class and yes, I certainly remember you. It might surprise (or horrify) you to know that I had an incredible crush on you the whole time we were at school together (as did alot of us blokes I hasten to add...). Your husband is a lucky man...
I went to some of the Norton School reunions too, played football at one of them with some other blokes from our year. It was great. I'm just pissed off that I missed you.
Carol Morley (now married) lives two doors away from my mum and dad so I see her every time I go home and I speak to Martin Phillips on a regular basis. A group of us get together once or twice a year for a football match.
I'm assuming you're still in Sheffield so, if I ever do any signings there for God sake come along and we'll bore each other stupid remembering the old days. As you said, happy days, Debs and, trust me, I remembered as soon as I saw the name.
Please keep in touch. If you send me your e-mail address I'll get back to you personally (although now, knowing I had a crush on you, will probably scare you off forever. How old were we then... fifteen, sixteen... Jesus, where has that bloody time gone...)
Look after yourself, Debs
Sorry, folks, I'm back in the land of the living again... Woody, boing, boing...boing
I'm saying nothing, mate. I hope you and Alex made it to Anfield for the match (although you'll probably wish you hadn't...)
"The quick argument or the full five minutes?"
You know me. Woody, it's ALWAYS the right room for an argument...
Say hello to Alex and Karen for me... Good luck working your way back through my books
Victor Wright and the war novels
Highly unlikely that I'll write anymore war novels, Victor but, never say never and all that. Good luck with your own. My motivation for the books (or inspiration) was the film CROSS OF IRON which I think is a masterpiece
Vidar Olavesen from Norway
Glad you enjoy the books and also that we share the same tastes in music and football teams.
Andy and bombs
Andy, you CAN blow up cannisters of C02, a fireman told me that any gas will explode if it's heated up in a pressurised container...honest
Lisa McQuillan and END OF STORY
Send your entry via my publishers. Lisa. I haven't heard from you for a while. Thanks for the photo it was a VERY nice surprise and you'll be delighted to know you've just gone into the new book as a character. If you want a direct reply then write via Warner Books (the address is opposite the title page inside the books). Seen any good films lately?
Right, that's it for another month. Keep those questions coming, sorry for the delay answering but I always get there in the end... honest...
Hello, folks, I'm back. It's that time again when I try and answer your deep probing questions with some incredibly incitful and witty pieces of information and keep you generally entertained or, alternatively, I moan and groan for a couple of pages, swear alot and rant about complete bollocks...
Whatever the case, here we go...
Thanks again to everyone who wrote in with questions, queries and all that. Thanks also to anyone who heard me on THE JAMES WHALE SHOW the other week and phoned, texted or e-mailed. The reason notification of that appearance didn't appear on the site was my fault as I forgot to tell Graeme until it was too late so blame me, not him...
A couple of things I've got to ask you lot first is, questions about how many books I've written, where to get signed copies and me reading your stories are to be found on the site's FAQ page so have a look there to save yourselves typing time...
Once more, to everyone who entered END OF STORY, a massive thankyou. The BBC are shooting the final next week so I'll be in London for a couple of days meeting the finalists and inflicting myself on the winner.
Initial reaction from you lot to NECESSARY EVIL has been wonderful and I'm sure lots of you will be happy to know that the next one is veering uncontrollably back towards the earlier style...Yes, there's sick bits in it by the fucking truck-load but as I've only got until the end of September to finish it and I've only written 90 pages to date let's not get overexcited eh... More news as it progresses.
I know the football season starts this week so, like I said last time, good luck to everyone and their team and I hope you all enjoy your season whoever you support and, before loads of you start asking, I'm very sorry about Michael Owen's imminent departure but I'm sure Rafa Benitez knows what he's doing. That's my last word there. And for all those, like John Forrest who wrote from Scotland to ask me, I have no idea at all where Liverpool will finish this coming season. I know where I'd like them to finish but, who knows
Onto the questions
Sara and the London Dungeon
Glad you enjoyed it and I know I should be sorry for giving you nightmares but, what the fuck, it's my job... Thanks for turning up that day it was good to see you too
Gary B and Cross of Iron
Fucking classic Gary, or what? CROSS OF IRON is one of the ten greatest films I've ever seen in my life. Glad you liked it. As for reading things written by my readers...I never do because I don't feel that I'm qualified to give an opinion. Simple as that. Just because I write doesn't mean I know what the hell I'm talking about when it comes to other peoples work. Besides which, I just don't read
Kazart and artwork
The cover art for my books is done by Warners art department, supervised by a rather wonderful man (even though he is a Sunderland supporter...) called Peter Cotton. Get in touch with him at Warners. It can't hurt to drop him a line can it? The worst that can happen is he can tell you to fuck off... Give it a go and let me know what happens
Glen Haines and Terminator
Glen, I thought I'd already told you about the novelization of Terminator...no, oh, fuck it, right... (bloody squaddies, see, you come out of the army and your discipline goes... Just kidding...) I wrote it in 1984 for W.H. ALLEN, my publishers at the time, but they hadn't got clearance to publish it in the States (or something..) so it was withdrawn eventually and a version was done by a guy called Randall Frakes who also did Terminator 2 and no, Randall Frakes is not me under another name. Right, go and fill up more of your bookshelf with my books and annoy your wife... All the best, mate
Russell and the film rights to RELICS
Russell, if you want to do a script of RELICS then feel free mate, you have my permission. All I would ask is that once it's finished you send it to my agent (details when it's finished...) as I don't make a move without consulting her on anything. Someone recently submitted a screenplay for THE SKULL which they'd done off their own back. And good on them I say... Over to you, Russell
Alexander Mueller, drunk in Germany
Glad you enjoyed listening to me on Bruce Dickinson's show. Now go out and buy some of the books. HEATHEN and DEADHEAD were both published in Germany by Bertelsmann. Failing that, order the lot from Amazon or something and let me know what you think
Karen and photos
Thanks Karen, if it's any consolation, I now find it deeply and painfully embarrassing seeing pictures of myself looking, as I did with the perm and the big shades, like a fucking poodle with cataracts..However, as you said, AT THE TIME... Everyone looked like that... Well, alot of rock fans and rock bands did anyway. But, I agree, the 'Anita Dobson' look did make it difficult to figure out which was the front and which was the back of the book so terrifying was the image of yours truly plastered on it.
If it's any consolation, I think the new picture just makes me look like a fucking extra from "Night of the Living Dead" and I'm having it written into my next contract that no photographic images of me are to be used on the books or in newspaper or magazine features (and I'm not kidding there..). I must admit, I've never thought it particularly important that my readers know what I look like. In fact, in my case, as you can see, it's a blessing if that is kept secret. From now on, it will be...Enjoy the rest of NECESSARY EVIL
Astrid O'Neill and unpublished books
I don't, as you rightly say, Astrid, read stuff written by my readers but good luck to your husband with his Dracula book. It sounds very interesting. I must admit, I've always found the real Dracula fascinating. Best to contact Graeme at the site about posting a chapter or two on my site. Graeme controls that side of things
Rob, the Celtic fan
No, Rob, never read the Japanese version of The Ring. I've seen both film versions though.
I agree with you about fans and boards having short memories (re. Gerard Houllier) mind you, a mate of mine who insists on going on Liverpool's website reckons there's more than a few moaning about Benitez! I mean, he's been in charge for all of four fucking games hasn't he...
Good luck to your bhoys in the Champions League. I'm glad we're not in your group...
If you want a book signed then either send it to my publishers or check out the FAQ page on the site
Just let me break in here for a minute... Now, when I started this bit, all fresh and enthusiastic, END OF STORY hadn't finished. It now has. The ending of the series has been shot, the winner has been picked etc. etc.
Once again, a massive thanks to everyone who entered my story. I think Graeme's putting some of the entries on the site so the rest of you can see if you agree with my choice of winner
On a related subject, thanks to Keeefy (that's how he spelt it...) for his remarks and also a word to Peter Cadwallader and your story that used the opening of "The Tunnel"...
Now, I say good luck to you Peter, using the opening of the story and as far as I'm concerned, it wouldn't be plagiarism. However, the BBC might object because they still hold publishing rights in the stories used in END OF STORY...
Otherwise, feel free to use it and good luck
Colin McCauley and more END OF STORY
Colin, you say you need motivation to finish your story... Here goes...
FINISH IT YOU LAZY BASTARD...
How's that? Seriously though, I know how hard it is when you're trying to write and you've got a proper job as well. I know because that's how I started. Do it to prove to yourself that it can be done. Get the bloody thing out of your system and then do something else and something else. Just keep writing.
By the way, I think Emile Heskey will do fine at Birmingham, especially as he'll be played as an out and out centre forward which is, after all, what the poor sod was bought as for Liverpool and, in his first full season in that position he scored 24 goals. I rest my case. Enjoy the season
Phil Bampfylde and a "Palpable" change in THE SKULL
No, Phil, it wasn't written on the train on the way to the football. It was written when I was 18. My first paperback horror novel, published before SLUGS when I was 22...
As for my use of the word palpable, yes it is entirely possible that it appears in every single book I've ever written. It probably also appears in every book I've ever written under a pseudonym too. As does "the coppery odour of blood", "moist clefts" and "long moments"... No, I'm not going to tell you to fuck off. Not this time anyway... All the best
Woody the baggies fan... Where the fuck have you been
Glad you enjoyed NECESSARY EVIL. You will be delighted to know that you have just been put into the next book, as requested, the minor snag being that I've got to do in four weeks what I normally do in four months... i.e. finish it...
Fuck it, steal Doyle and Franklin, put them in your own novel. Go for it.
I'm writing this on 31st August. We play your lot at Anfield on September 11th. I hope I won't be getting any cryptic messages from you after that date...
Give my best to Alex and Karen
James Aitken wanted to know about his name being included in a book
Don't see why not, James. Just don't hold me to a year... Glad you're enjoying the books and thank your dad for recommending them. Don't worry about the age restriction this time round on END OF STORY... Your time will come... Keep on reading and thanks for telling me what a fucking sicko I am. See, any other author would be offended by that. To me it's a fucking compliment
By the way that doesn't mean that I want torrents of abuse from you lot from now on
Jill Scott, a new reader and fan
Welcome aboard, Jill. Glad you've discovered me at last. My own favourite book of my own... Er... That would probably be RENEGADES because it introduced Sean Doyle to the world. NECESSARY EVIL because it's one of the most complex I've ever done. EXIT WOUNDS for various reasons. I like all my own books for different reasons (does that sound conceited... what I mean is they all mean alot to me for different reasons... That's better...)
Favourite book by another author... THE EXORCIST by William Peter Blatty. Quite simply, no one does it better. The sequel LEGION is also brilliant. Blatty is a superb writer and I am baffled as to why he never did more books. THE KEEP by F. Paul Wilson was also a great book.
I've just done an article for a BBC on-line website called GET WRITING. It's about how to write horror so some of you might find it interesting. Have a look at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/getwriting/thecraft
but I'm not sure when it's due to appear as I've only just finished the article... Sorry
To EVILSPEAK... You know who you are
1. Why are my books not made into films? Fucking good question... Ask some film companies... Stuff is happening all the time like enquiries, meetings with people but I never talk about it unless I've got a signed contract and a cleared cheque in front of me.
2. There's no sequel to COMPULSION planned.
3. If you turn up in Birmingham with ALL your books then of course I'll sign them, however, there won't be a Birmingham "gig" this year but next time then by all means bring the bloody lot...
4. We'll have to agree to disagree about KILL BILL... I watched KILL BILL 2 again at the weekend and thought it was even more irritating than he first time I saw it. The reason I slate Tarantino is because I think he's incapable of making a film about real life. He only makes films about other films and if he does make a second world war movie, my money's on him ripping off CROSS OF IRON in certain scenes and, to tinker with the work of a TRUE genius (Sam Peckinpah) will turn me forever bitter and twisted against young Quentin... Let's just not mention his films eh?...
I'm really glad you like the books anyway and don't worry, I don't intend to stop. There are still too many people to scare and piss off out there
Jackie White and a signed copy of LUCY'S CHILD
Jackie, it is very probable that the signed copy of LUCY'S CHILD you have was signed by me. I go round bookshops signing stock once a year so yes, the name in it is undoubtedly mine. Bookshops aren't usually in the habit of signing authors names in their books... Well, not usually... (just kidding) Yes, it'll be genuine signature. Right, she's thinking, straight onto fucking e-bay
Right, that's it for another month or two because work, as I said before, is pressing and, if you lot want a novel to read next year then I'd better get on with it
Once more, thanks for all your questions and queries and kind comments and honest comments. Believe it or not, I actually look forward to hearing from you every month. No, honestly.
Take care
Just remembered, Graeme asked me to ask you to check the FAQ page before asking your questions. Go on, help him out, the poor bastard's got a hard enough job chasing me all the fucking time...
Right, here we go again
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You lot are fucking brilliant. I always knew I had the best readers in the world and you've bloody proved it again. If I was a pretentious, grovelling bastard I'd say I loved you all but I'm not so I'll say you're the most wonderful shower of bastards any author could have for readers and I'm fucking honoured and lucky to have the lot of you...
Right, before you wonder what the hell's going on, the reason for my outburst of 'luviness' and general grovelling/gratitude is for the number of you who entered END OF STORY to finish my story.
YOU ARE THE DOGS BOLLOCKS, ALL OF YOU...
Thanks to you and your fantastic efforts, THE TUNNEL was the second most entered story of the fucking lot...
Yeah...(burst of applause, much whooping and shrieking)
It was beaten only by Iain Rankin (next comment deleted...)
But who fucking cares....(Next segment censored by me because of tendency to rant...please feel free to insert your own words where desired)
pissed bastards....fucking brilliant....literary....arse....back slapping shit....loved it...hosepipe....amazing....bollocks....thanks
I look forward with great, great interest to reading the entries and, even more to meeting the three finalists in August/September. Trust me, we will have a laugh like you wouldn't believe
Now, I'm not a hundred per cent sure what the prize/s are/is but I'd like to let you know that I will be bringing a number of special prizes for the winners as I think you deserve more so there will be some very, very rare Hutson stuff to be had by the winner/s (and I'm not just talking signed books)
Once again, thankyou so much. I know I rant and rave about this and that (in my books and in real life) but I was so chuffed with your support I was practically in tears (yeah I know I'm a soft bastard...). Same goes for all of you who write in to me/send fan mail via my publishers/turn up to signings or talks etc. I don't really think that you realize how much it means to me that you bother to do that and how great it is to talk to you face to face.
Anyway, I'll shut up now or I'll be up for a fucking BAFTA for rattling on like this
Huge thanks as well to everyone who turned up to see me in Wolverhampton and also at The London Dungeon. Again, great to see and talk to all of you who went out of your way to make time to see me
Right, er...fuck, I'm knackered after that.
I know you lot like to know what's going on so I'll tell you. I'm writing this on a Friday afternoon having just got back from seeing FAHRENHEIT 9/11...Go and see it, please...If ever there was proof that George Bush is the most dangerous, insipid, snivelling (reaches for Thesaurus..) little fuck then it is there on screen. Where the fuck is Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him? (Well, dead obviously because Jack Ruby shot him..but you know what I mean...)
I loved Michael Moore's earlier film, BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE and the new one is as good. It made me think of the Bill Hicks quote at the end of NECESSARY EVIL (cunning link, eh...)
"All governments are liars and murderers..."
Fucking right. Bill.
I'm off on a small signing tour (i.e. going into shops and signing their stock, not sitting behind a desk signing..) in the South of England next week so details of where you can pick up signed copies of NECESSARY EVIL and others will appear on the site in due course.
Other than that, I'm working my arse off to complete another novel under a pseudonym (sorry, can't divulge at present...) and, most important, trying to get my own book ready for delivery by the end of August which is a bit of a pain as I've only written 80 fucking pages. But, fear not, with extra coffee and increased medication it will be done and released/unleashed next July/August.
I'd promised/threatened a return to out and out horror for a while but, with just 80 bastard pages written, it's a bit hard to say whether that'll happen but I must say, it's shaping up to be a very, very dark journey and one with bits in that I'm sure will upset/disturb many people (huge cheers rise in the background...) and also delight the sicker of you out there. In fact, there are some propsed bits which I reckon top many of the things I've written before....(yeah, right, rises in the background...). No, honestly, it treads some very, very unpleasant ground and as ever, I look forward to your reactions to it. As I do to NECESSARY EVIL. It's always scary when your new one comes out and you wonder if you've done something different and that people are going to like. So, let me know what you reckon...
I've got some more filming to do with the BBC for END OF STORY. I was filmed with Bruce Dickinson from Maiden last week and James Whale was filmed talking about me. They also filmed in the London Dungeon and at the workshops. More filming to be done in locations used in my books. All good fun.
Right, I'd better answer the questions I suppose
Scott and Coronation Street
I've got a new fan in the cast of Coronation Street... fuck me...Give me the studio address and I'll send copies to them... How did you get a book to a cast member, Scott? I'm assuming you're mates with someone on the show. Please tell me...
Woody, you bloody baggies fan...
Six points dropped to your lot next season...I think not my friend....Great to see you in Wolverhampton. I hope you, Alex and Karen are all well. I returned to my hotel that night after the Wolverhampton talk to discover that I couldn't get anything to eat. I was bloody starving by morning when I discovered that the train going home wasn't serving breakfast... Is it me?...
Claire Nixon wondered what made me do END OF STORY...
Well Claire, I think I sort of answered that earlier on when I was ranting. Frankly, to suggest I did it because I wanted to have a laugh at how others would end my work is...er..how can I put this ... fucking insulting...
I'm assuming you've read my books and/or my rants and answers on the site before and if so, you should have some clue as to what kind of bloke I am and how much I respect my readers so that pissed me off more than slightly I must admit.
Why do you think I should be insulted because someone's finishing a story I started? I'm not some divine fucking deity. I'm privileged that I make a living the way many others would like to make a living. I saw it as a chance to give others a crack at doing what I loved, possibly meeting yours truly and also to demystify the whole writing business and I was also very chuffed to be one of the eight writers chosen.
Why did YOU enter the contest?
If you and the other members of UKAuthors.com would like to print up your stories and send them to me via my publishers then I'd be delighted to read them and don't speak as if you expect to lose...My top tip for wanting to write is self-belief...Believe in yourself because no other bastard is going to at the beginning.
The best of luck to you in the competition and with your writing now YOU get your own "magic wand out of your ass" (as you suggest I do...) and send me the stories
Just getting back to END OF STORY briefly. Again, all I can do is wish those of you that entered the best of luck. The above guestion took me by surprise because I never thought that anyone would think of my stuff as "untouchable"... Fucking hell, do you think I would have ever thought that about another writer...The only worrying thing is, I started writing because I'd read a book that was so fucking awful I thought I could do better...Please tell me you lot haven't entered for the same reason after reading THE TUNNEL... (just kidding...)
Linda Baggott and a signing in Aldridge library...
I can't actually remember the signing, Linda, but I'm glad it made an impression on you (even if you say it did give the librarians nightmares...) Yes, I still do signings every now and then but mostly stock signings (sneaking into shops with my salesmen and signing what's on the shelves) or after talks.
To Tony Darling in Belfast...
So, your youngster will be one in August eh, makes you feel fucking old doesn't it, mate? Mine's eight, well, eight going on 20....I think the comedian Dennis Leary summed up little kids best when he said "It's like having drunken midgets around the house"... Yours will be toddling soon won't he? That's fun... "The old "No, don't stick your fingers in that electric socket and aaarrrrggghhhh..." etc. etc. You should get more material for your book. Glad you started it at last. All the best with it.
An autograph is on its way to your address as we speak. No photos I'm afraid, take a look at the one inside NECESSARY EVIL and you'll see why...
Paul Davis and any clues about the book after NEC. EVIL...
In a word Paul, no. Honestly, I know what it should be but the bloody thing has been put back so many times (by me) because of other work, I need to get my arse in gear and get down to it.
It'll have bits in that will make you sit up, let's put it that way...Blood, gore, scares....is a fishes head waterproof?...
Glad you enjoyed the others, let me know what you think of NEC. EVIL
John Edge and similarities with 24...
I've never actually seen 24, John although I like Kiefer Sutherland. Am I being ripped off then...bastards...
Sharron Gledhill from West Yorkshire and "sexy bits"
Firstly Sharron, may I say that I feel for you as a Leeds fan and I personally took absolutely no pleasure at all in seeing your lot get relegated last season. I hope you come straight back up. This isn't just because Elland Road is an easy trip straight up the motorway for me when we play at your place but because I think you lot were a genuinely big club (unlike a few who are still left in the Premier League...). All the best for the coming season.
As for my "sexy bits" getting you going... Well, er... Thanks.. I'm flattered (I would say touched but better not...) Can I make it more romantic? Don't just ram it in....Fuck me, what do you want, Mills and Boon... Actually there's a scene in the new book where the bloke brings his wife flowers, seduces her to the music of Barry White and foregoes his own orgasm just so she can be satisfied. This scene includes two hours of foreplay and he even washes the sheets afterwards. But, back in the real world... Seriously though, I'm glad you like the novels and glad the "sexy bits" have inspired you
Scott and the continuing saga of Coronation Street...
Is that Scott Rowbotham by any chance?... Shit I haven't answered that question about dinner guests for years have I...
Scott, what the fuck is going on with Coronation Street actors reading my books? Details please... Also who is Bruce and why does he want me to come to his house warming in September?... All answers gratefully accepted. I am baffled by this at the moment, mate... Enlighten me before I go even more crazy than normal
Nadine and the return of Sean Doyle...
Will he be back, Nadine? I don't know at the moment. Nice to know you don't care how old or fucked up he is....I'm sure the nasty fucker would be chuffed to hear it (if he was real and I hadn't suddenly retreated into a dream world...) Time will tell.
Richard Smith and harming kids in books...
Glad you enjoy the books, Richard and thanks for the comments about COMPULSION in particular. What I will say about kids being harmed or killed in my books (and, as you say, it doesn't happen that often) is, as you probably know, I've got a little girl of my own so, if a scene involving the killing of a child has to take place is involved then I imagine my own daughter in that position. It makes my feelings more realistic when I'm writing it. If the scenes are necessary then I'll include them but I don't think I've ever done one graphically that's involved the killing of a kid. My wife was pregnant with our daughter when I wrote STOLEN ANGELS and she'd given birth by the time I read the proofs and I must admit, reading the book after I'd become a father did affect me alot more...
Someone wanted to know if they had to study literature to become a writer so this answer is a general one to all of you budding authors out there...
NO NO NO NO NO... I think that's clear enough. I honestly don't believe that, because you want to write, there is any need at all to read. I know that sounds... Well, I'm not sure what it sounds really but when I was doing the workshops for the END OF STORY one of the authors with me insisted that you had to read constantly. I disagree strongly with this. I used to read lots when I was much younger (shit, feeling like an old bastard...), in my teens and that but I have trouble finishing my copies of TOTAL FILM every month these days, let alone a book. I haven't read a novel for about three years...(sorry). There's the danger of duplicating a favourite authors style, accidentally nicking ideas and all that stuff. That's why I spend most or my time in the cinema. My work is very visual and you can learn your trade from watching (and listening to the scripts of) great films as easily as reading "the classics" and, to be honest, if you want to write thrillers then reading 'Jane Eyre' isn't going to be much use to you is it?.... However, thank God that alot of people don't share my opinion or I'd be out of a job...All I'm saying is you draw your influences from wherever you need to and, to be a writer, that doesn't always have to be books...
Jason Harrison and "Terminator"
I don't know when I'll be back in Preston again, Jason but here's the Terminator story...As you know I did a novelization of that film back in 1984 (for W.H. Allen who were my publishers at the time..) now, as far as I can tell, they didn't get permission from the film company (oops..) so, basically, my version was illegal...An official version was then published a few years later by someone called Randall Frakes (which wasn't me under a pseudonym by the way). Hope that answers your question. The scariest thing is that was 20 years ago...Jesus, doesn't time fly when you're having fun...
Lara Croan and her giant land snails...
Bloody hell, Lara...Giant African Land snails...There could be a book there...Glad you enjoyed HYBRID, hope you like NECESSARY EVIL and all the others as much. Give my love to Mittens
Jane Morrow and Jammy dodgers...
Glad you like the books, Jane. Can I recommend CRUNCH CREAMS....These might be especially good for sticking to hubbies head... Personal favourites of mine, I might add.
Dan, Dan the Blackburn fan...
How are you, mate? Thanks for warning me off VERSUS. I'm still avoiding it. Have a look at VISITOR Q, another offering from Miike Takashi. Not up to AUDITION standard but then what is? Still worth a look though. I saw a very weird film at DEAD BY DAWN film festival earlier this year which is out soon called A TALE OF TWO SISTERS, a bit slow but with one or two fucking terrifying scenes.
Sorry folks, I'm just going to cut in here to mention the fuss that's been kicked up around the PS2 game MANHUNT (some kid killed his mate because he was obsessed with it...the usual shit..) Has anyone else played this game as, in my humble opinion, it is absolutely fucking superb (sorry to any moral guardians who might be reading this). Yes, it's violent, yes it's bloody, yes it's nasty but it's an 18 for fuck's sake and, as with the usual knee jerk reaction that accompanies this kind of thing I notice the government now want it banned. I have a few words for our prime minister and his cronies.
Tell you what, Tony, why not a game called Weapons of Mass Destruction. Rules go like this. You find a phenomenally powerful country run by a fucking half-wit, you shove your head up his arse and get sucked into a war that is both unnecessary and manufactured. You then lie to the public about the strength of the enemy and ensure that a large number of your troops are killed in a needless conflict. The twist at the end of the game is that there never were any weapons to hunt down anyway... Good eh? Should be out on all consoles next year...(excuse me while I get down off my soap-box..)
To Geoff, the Newcastle fan...
Glad to see you agree about Miike Takashi. Also, thanks for working out the cast for EXIT WOUNDS...Well, we can, as you said, dream can't we...And I agree, VAN HELSING was a pile of shite.
Rob asked if I'd read anything by some authors he listed
Well Rob, here goes...Simon Clark. Met him but never read him. Richard Laymon. I read THE CELLAR when I was at school. Michael Marsden. No. Iain Rankin. No. Bernard Cornwell. No. But I did see and enjoy the Sharpe series on TV. Oh, and Graham Masterton, I read bits of CHARNEL HOUSE years ago but that's it. Hope you enjoy NECESSARY EVIL.
Bob Simmons and THE SKULL...
The reason it doesn't appear listed with my others Bob is because it's out of print...
Leah Osbourne and my extreme violence...
Glad you like it, Leah. Also, good luck with END OF STORY. The finalists are apparently being selected and filmed soon so, all the best. More latin eh...Should fuck up the judges. Me too I fear
By the way, for anyone else who entered, don't worry about whether or not you used bad language (Richard from Oldham..) or anything like that. If the story's good enough, it shouldn't matter to the bloody judges. If they don't know my style then they shouldn't be on the panel. Thank God I don't have to meet them...I fear blood may have been spilled if I had... (next bit censored as I went into a rant about the judges...)
Rebecca White and out of print stuff...
Rebecca, I think the whole lot should be re-printed...If they were then you lot wouldn't have to go on e-bay paying over the odds for them. If I could get publishers to do them I would. It'd be great for my readers to have complete collections at reasonable prices, I reckon.
Paul Seddon and Sean Doyle...
Why isn't Doyle dead, Paul? Because I haven't killed him yet...And he's a hard bastard who gets shot in non-fatal places...He's just lucky...I like him...Pick your favourite answer...I know he's a reader favourite and, you never know, one day, he may be back. Time will tell...
David Palmer and copyright...
Dave, if you write under a pseudonym it doesn't affect copyright as the name on the contract would still be yours...Good luck with END OF STORY...
Lee O'connell, the gooner
Hello, Lee. Shame about Van Nistlerooy not breaking his leg/back/neck in Euro 2004. Hopefully someone will break it for him during the coming season...Let's see if we were wrong about Rooney in the coming season after all, last season he got more yellow cards than goals...And, while we're dispelling some hype...who did he play so brilliantly against? The footballing might of Croatia and Switzerland....He did alright against France but let's have a little perspective here shall we?..All the best for the new season, mate.
That goes for all of you who support various teams in the Premiershit (yes, I meant to spell it that way..) and other divisions. And no, I don't care who you support...Enjoy it. I'll have my fingers, legs, arms and internal organs crossed for Liverpool obviously but I hope you all enjoy the season in one way or another.
On that subject, someone rang in to speak to me on THE JAMES WHALE SHOW on Talksport the other week and said was I scared of losing readers because I slagged off other teams in my books. Er..who do I ever slag off apart from the Manes? And, no, I don't think I'll lose readers because of it, look at how many different teams supporters write to the site. The only people I hate are SKY and I reckon that goes for all real supporters, no matter who they follow...
Thanks to all of you who wrote to say how much you enjoy the books and my waffling on this page, this time around to Leslie Laird, Winston, Richard Maude, luxury pie, Jason Skelson (congratulations on the wedding next year) and all of you who took the time to write.
Finally
To Jessica who I was lucky enough to meet at THE LONDON DUNGEON...
It was good to talk to you, Jessica. Nice to find out how attractive my female fans are too...As I said to you when we spoke, I know I should feel guilty about scaring the shit out of you but then, if I wrote romance I'd be happy if you cried, so there...
Right, that's it for another month (or so). Sorry again if I've taken a while answering, once again, blame me, not the site organisers who I'm delighted to say were praised in print for the quality of the site.
GRAEME AND CALLUM TAKE A BOW...
You'll hopefully be able to see Graeme on TV in END OF STORY which should embarrass him no end.
By the way, sorry I didn't mention my appearance on THE JAMES WHALE SHOW last week, I forgot to tell Graeme. My fault....If you'd have rung in you'd have had the chance to win a signed copy of NECESSARY EVIL by saying which of my books featured a late night radio presenter as the central character....Go on then, which one was it? The people who said EXIT WOUNDS and VICTIMS didn't win, needless to say....I've also just finished filming a small part in a documentary about THE KING'S HEAD THEATRE in Islington. More news on that when I know about it.
I'm going to work now...up to my eyes in it. I don't think I've ever been this busy in my fucking life but I'm not complaining....Next time around, should have some news on the next book, something under a pseudonym, END OF STORY, an interactive article for a BBC website and, wait for it...a film cameo (stop laughing you bastards...) and loads of other shit as well. Until then, you lot look after yourselves and keep the questions/comments/threats etc. coming.
All the best.
Hello, folks, me again and yes, I know you're all thinking "and about fucking time..."
Sorry, yet again, for the delay answering your questions but as I'm sure you'll all appreciate, I'm a bit busy at the moment with the BBC and the END OF STORY thing which I hope you're ALL entering madly... Go on, everyone send in an entry then we'll end up with the most entries of any author...
I'm glad that so many of you are entering and I hope to see three of you when the final is filmed...
I've done a couple of the workshops in London and Manchester and thanks to anyone who turned up at either of those. I hope they were of some use to you or just mildly entertaining. They were very successful I'm relieved to say and the BBC are delighted so I'm happy, my agent's happy and everyone's happy...
Fucking hell, I'm getting far too hyper, must stop drinking coffee when I'm doing these things (those instant cappuccino packets you get from supermarkets, just add hot water... fucking amazing... oops, sorry, rambling...)
Anyway, I hope that everyone who's entered END OF STORY gets on fine and, as I said, I hope that I'll be seeing one or two of you when they get round to filming the final in August. I've got some more filming to do before that down in THE LONDON DUNGEON on July 2nd so, hope to see some of you there too on that Friday...
I'll be out and about when NECESSARY EVIL is published on July 1st, signing stock and doing the odd appearance here and there but there'll be details of where abouts in the country and in which shops the signed books are, on the site around the time.
Anyway, sorry for the delay once more but I know you lot understand why I'm not always so prompt
Just before I answer the questions, a little rant... (a little one...)
I LOVE GORDON RAMSAY... Jesus, that man is a God...
Has anybody been watching HELL'S KITCHEN? No, just me then, right...
Seriously though, what a fucking brilliant bloke... Not only is he a superb chef, he also knows how to burst over-inflated egos like few I've ever seen before. To watch him reducing overpaid, over-exposed, publicity seeking no-marks in front of millions of viewers is a joy. The guy is a perfectionist, he knows what he wants and he fucking gets it or if not, the twat who screws up gets a bollocking of Olympian proportions...
The papers have been saying he's a bully etc. etc. Bullshit. He's a winner. He was a footballer remember, he doesn't like losing, he's passionate. That has simply been transferred into his other career as top Chef.
Watching these pampered so-called celebrities crumble under the weight of a few well chosen and well deserved tongue bashings is wonderful. Grown men crying because he's having a go at them... Give me a fucking break... As Gordon himself so beautifully put it "put your hands on your sac and grow some bollocks"...
What a man. Gordon Ramsay, I raise a glass to you, your skill, your dedication and your refusal to take anything less than total commitment.
Speaking of no-marks, I see BIG BROTHER 5 begins on Friday and yes, I'll be glued to every fucking minute of it (well, if it doesn't clash with the matches in Euro 2004 that is...) I still reckon my idea of imprisoning 12 people in a house and watching them starve to death was a better one but what the fuck do I know... No, sorry, that was celebrities. These twats are wannabes. Expect more rants on this subject in the coming weeks. A friend of my wife's said she'd like to see me in the BIG BROTHER house... And then probably, a day later, in Pentonville for mass murder... Apparently one of the contestants this year is against capitalism... Hand me that fucking bread-knife... So what are you going to do if you win then fucker, give the hundred grand to the fucking Third World, I doubt it...
Feels good to have a rant, haven't had one here for a while have I? I know some of you twisted bastards enjoy hearing me let off steam...
Hello, folks
Sorry if I've not been so quick replying to your questions but, at the moment, I'm as busy as I've ever been in my life with work. So, if you'll all excuse me for about the next two years (just kidding...) I'll answer all your questions as soon as I can
Apologies all round and any of you who see me at signings etc. then feel free to abuse me/kick the shit out of me/hit me over the head with old copies of my books or whatever else takes your fancy.